Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Good Days/ Bad Days

I've been an anxious freak lately. Trufax. Anxious. Freak. It's one of my less impressive and manly character traits.

As previously discussed, things are a-changin'. The latest on the hit parade is emergency heart surgery for my sister, and the death of our elder statesman cat, Max.

Trying to find a still, peaceful place in my head and heart, what is a nerd to do? Read. Currently, a wonderful tome by David Ovason/ Mark Hedsel called "The Zelator". It's a lovely jaunt through Hermetic/Gnostic philosophy especially in relation to Alchemy. Currently, the read has taken us into the differences between the the Man of Fire and the Man of Light.

The Man of Fire is the ordinary man who burns with all sorts of passions and sorrows, and the Man of Light is what is left once you've burned off everything else. Fire needs fuel, and once you are out of fuel, there is just pure light, as you've burned out the darkness and shed your Salt. Shedding your Salt means that you don't come back to matter. One of the key ways to know when you are shedding your Salt is when you are literally shedding your salt. Sweat, blood, and especially tears.

Both Hermeticism and Gnosticism of its various permutations have less than awesome relationships with the world of matter. Alchemy has a slightly better one, but make no mistake, the world is hard, and no one gets out alive. That's the point, and the problem.

Managing hardship and misery seem to be priority one for a Wizard. This is as it should be. Living in the world, the worldly issues must be dealt with first. This is basic. This is also exhausting. It's easy when you are up to your neck in personal panic and you feel stuck in the endless grinding oil press of the world to feel scared, alone, helpless. Sometimes it gets to be so much that I for one can forget all about Ye Olde Occult Mysteries. Not just put them to the side, but forget. Totally. Like they don't even occur as an option.

Hard to find your center, hard to find your roots, hard to find balance. I want everyone to know that this is ok. Seriously. It's fine. It's normal. It's something that I have found hard to remember for going on months now. Basics have been done to help keep me steady and sane, but there have been no grande explorations of the Aethers. No conferences with the Gods where we plot a golden path to the future. Lately what Fate has thrown at me just makes me shed my salt over and over again.

To me this is normal. Because the world isn't kind, and things don't just work out in the end. This is because in general, even in the very privileged western world, the world is still hostile to you. It's geared towards engendering life, but that isn't specific to any one person or group.. just generally. Which de facto makes it hostile to us all.

It's the danger of the householder's path. There are many things, many people to take care of, and unless you are a great architect it's best to not build a tower too high, and too proud. As someone who has helped several times with local disaster relief I know to build just high enough to crest the flood, and just low enough to weather the wind. Even if the terrain is stable for now, it is easy enough for it to move at Fate's fine decree.

So if you are beaten, and broken, and feel hopeless and stressed, you are in the majority of creatures on our planet. It's why I don't mind so much when deer eat our garden. They've got little else to eat around these parts.

We've got to be a little smarter, a littler harder, and a little more compassionate at the same time. This goes double when dealing with ourselves. To think that we can control it all sets us up for an epic fall. It also puts the undo blame of burden on us if things do not go well.

We can't do that. That way lays madness. Life has been a mixed bag lately. I control what I can, but I've got no illusions that some of these things are out of my hands, that and the game ends at a zero sum.

Good days and bad days come, and sometimes all you can do is batten down the hatches and steer as best you can through the tempest.


Gordon said...

Wise words, sir.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, this is very timely for me. I have taken your words to heart.

Anonymous said...